Beca the sentimental
by ohchan
Summary: Beca is a sentimental person, not many people know this. But of course she doesnt show it, she tries to hide.


People might not be aware of this about Beca, but she's a sentimental person. Not the over-the-top sentimental, emotions all in a cup person, but she is a sentimental person. She still keeps the teddy bear she hugged every night after the day her parents broke the news about the divorce. She still has her top in which proved needless the night she lost her virginity with some guy in one her summer camps. She makes it a point to never remember names that much, cause she knows it wont last; whatever relationship that they might've built, so why waste any space in her memory to remember something that was destined to be fleeting.

But songs are different. She remembers the beat of any songs she had heard and at the back of her mind, she had already planned a mash up for it. She loves David Guetta feat Sia's Titanium cause the song is the ultimate song that represents herself, a sick sick beat and self-empowerment. She loves it.

That's why the moment she stepped into the compound of Barden, she knew she would hate the place. Getting out her cab, she took a look around, and what she saw was definitely out of her comfort zone; girls who NEED help unloading and unpacking their stuff, boys (no men) in plaid shirts all smiley and acting all jocky and cool.

Definitely not her scene.

A car stopped directly opposite of her and she can only assume that this guy was under some sort of influence of alcohol cause he started singing along to his loud music, even performing an air guitar show for her amusement. She gave a tight smile and the car sped off.

Definitely, definitely not her scene.

Beca is a sentimental person. And she is not liking Barden one bit. She doesn't want Barden's plaid wearing students with its fake normalcy to weave its way to any part of her actual life.

….

So how should she mitigate this? The moment she saw Barden DJs banner, her heart skipped a beat. _Finally, something worth doing here._ And again, she was set for disappointment. _Deaf Jews, what the fuck?_ The girl she bumped at the booth was kind of cool, weird but the kind of weird she's ok with.

It's hard for her to fake interest, so when the Barden Bella pristine clean girls were explaining about acapella to her, Beca didn't hide any of her disinterest. But she was shocked that the more conservative, pink dressed girl called her a bitch. Not shocked at the comment (come on, you cant go by your life the way Beca did without getting a bitch, slut and/or skunk comments along the way). She shrugged the comments off. The pink girl said it in such a well mannered, but fiery way. _She's interesting_. If not for the pink attire, a colour Beca is deathly allergic with, Beca might've been a little bit nicer and try to befriend her. _Not worth the trouble_.

She signed up at the internship booth, seeing there are placements for interns at radio station, the only thing related to what she loves and walked back to her building. Barden University showed no promising future for her, why bother looking around?

…

That weird drunken guy was apparently the other hired intern at the radio station. Well Beca got one thing right, he is a weirdo. He loves talking about anything, from the beauty of the moon to her goth like appearance and to Luke's existence. Beca thinks he's bisexual; _Most guys are in college, time to experiment they say._ She doesn't discriminate. As long as they don't bother her, do whatever hell you want Beca doesn't care.

Weeks passed by and Jesse still cant stop talking (now Beca had his name memorized after he pulled a melodramatic performance and turned melancholic for 3 days straight just to piss her off and annoy the hell out of her after Beca accidentally called him a different name). But Beca is slowly responding to his dorkiness and all his pop culture references.

_I'm not getting soft, its just that Jesse is like an annoying pocket full of sunshine that it hurts my eyes just looking at him and depletes my energy by seconds if I don't respond_, is what she tells herself everyday after she clocked out from radio station.

…

Even after months of being one of the Barden Bellas, she was still unsure of how she got in. It went straight from being pissed with her dad, to the first and the last close-to-lesbian counter she had in the showers to drinking the blood of the Bella sisters before her (also known as Boone's Farm). And now she was learning how to be one the altos. Throughout her first day of Bella training, she could only think "_Who would've thought and how the hell did I get myself into this?" _

Not helping that this Jesse dude somehow managed to get into the rival team, Treblemakers. She began to feel discomfort with her familiarity with Jesse. He was everywhere in her life. She cant look at any of her daily clothes and not relate it to some of Jesse's weird comments in the radio station, or drink any fruit juices without remembering Jesse's juice pouches that somehow managed to make its way in her bag. But all was under control, she could still control whatever feelings brewing in her.

As for the Bellas, she began to slowly learnt each of their names. Stacie the sex addict, Fat Amy who is, well, fat but awesome, Audrey the dictator, Chloe the fun loving ginger, Cynthia Rose the closet lesbian chick. Her perception of Audrey about being a fiery character was spot on when she kicked one of the bellas out for messing around with a Treble on first day of training. _Mental note, NEVER cross this bitch_.

…..

Since the aca-initiation, a lot had happened; Barden Bellas managed to get passed regionals and were now preparing for their semi-finals. Tension was running high and Audrey's dictatorship was beginning to crawl up Beca's skin. Not helping that Beca's relationship with Jesse was beginning to get a little bit too close to comfort. She unconsciously ok-ed their occasional days in the park, they now have a monthly movication sessions, they would go for lunches and/or dinners sometimes.

_He's not my boyfriend, he's a friend who happened to be a boy and no no no I do not have a toner for Jesse, that's not even an adjective._

Even the Bellas, she now developed feelings for the girls. Feelings! She would worry about Chloe's state of health on her vocal chords. She would worry about Stacie contracting some sex related diseases; almost always she would slip some of those freebies condoms in Stacie's bag. From time to time she would even try to keep Lily company when others were keeping a distance from her.

These new feelings and concerns were slowly freaking her out. She noticed that she was more relaxed now around the Bellas, Jesse and the Treblemakers. After the riff off and obvious support from Treblemaker (or maybe specifically Jesse the Treble, who never stop applauding any of Bella's performance) she began to think these people as her friends.

But come semi-finals' performance, she knew that singing the song for the second time around will not be as lucky. They had to beat that other group. She could see the other group mocking them on the side lines, the sound check guy was fiddling with his phone and she saw glimpses of the audience yawning and were talking among themselves instead of listening to the Bellas. The pressure Audrey had put on them was beginning to paralyze her on stage and she knew she had to do something. She belted the only song she knew by heart that goes with any beat; Titanium and she noticed the obvious change in the hall. Apart from the only killer look she got from Audrey, the judges gave positive nods to each other, she saw some of the audiences mouthing the songs along, and Beca gained confidence to carry on. At the corner of the eyes, she saw Fat Amy stumbling and looking at her in confusion, Beca simply smiled and continued her dance routine. Audrey looked like she wanted to strangle Beca but for now, she was safe and Bella's performance was good to go.

…..

Staring at the ceiling in the booth, she noticed some cracks in between the ceiling panels. _This place is ancient. I wonder how many times Luke had his fun here? _Her eyes went straight to the desk and snickered. _Must be plenty. _

It was nighttime and only the booth had its' lights on while the rest of the building was in the dark. She looked at the piles of cds and vinyl cases that needed stacking. She went out of the booth and looked around, at the stairs and the upper level of the room. Everything there reminded her of Jesse, not a sliver of memory of Luke. The stairs in which he pulled a Romeo and Juliet scene (minus the Juliet, it was a one man show of Romeo serenading a non-existing Juliet), Adam Lambert vinyl cover on top of the piles, the bench at the corner where they had an impromptu moviecation via youtube during one of their short lunch breaks.

She misses him, a lot. Beca would never admit it out loud but yes she misses him.

She shouldn't though. She was back to her normal life, her life way before Barden. A lone wolf, that was what she was. There was never anyone else in her life, the only human interaction she ever had before was small talks while she waited for the home delivery pizza guy to give her her change.

So why did she feel soo desolate now? Why the emptiness? Her macbook could keep her company back then, so cant it now?

As Kimmy Jin walked out of their room to go off for her spring holiday, Beca felt more alone than ever. The campus was like a set from the Walking Dead, complete and utterly empty.

So she kept herself busy by going to the radio station, playing around and testing the contraptions there. She usually saw these on magazines and websites, but to actually fiddle with the DJ stuff was like a dream come true. The first day there, she quickly messaged Jesse telling him all about the excitement. Only after pressing "send" that she remembered they were not in speaking terms.

She got a call from some unknown listener requesting for one of her mixes to be replayed, and again she took out her phone and a text to Jesse was the first thing she did.

She knew something was stirring in her but she didnt want to analyze it too deep. So she decided to just call him up, a casual call was what she was aiming for. But it went straight to voicemail. _ Figures, even I wouldn't pick up the phone, why should he? _But she kept trying, she would messaged him to pick up the phone so they could talk. About what, even she didn't know. Beca hadn't thought that far, she just wanted to get past that first hurdle, of hearing Jesse's voice or even get a text from Jesse.

And as fate would have it, she saw The Breakfast Club's OST. So when she got back to her place, she played the movie and man was it heart breakingly good. She started watching all other movies that Jesse had mentioned more than once; ET, Rocky, Jaws and even Say Anything. She refrained from texting or calling Jesse up whenever something moved her.

More than Jesse's unresponsiveness to her texts and calls, she felt more pain remembering the rejection from the Bellas on her impromptu performance at semi-final. She knew Audrey wouldn't approve of her act, but to know first hand that the other Bellas didn't and wont back her up in times of need, hurts her more than when she found out about her parent's divorce. But those goddamn movies taught her soo much; no one can live alone forever.

When she got the message from Chloe, she was elated for Barden Bellas. She wanted to join in the celebration, she wanted to contribute creatively to the Bellas, anything she would do anything for the Bellas. _Damn these movies, damn you Jesse!_ Smiling all the way.

The moment she saw the campus slowly filling up with students ,she knew what she had to do,. She made her way to Jesse's dorm, she knew she wont be forgiven easily and she was right. Despite anticipating the rejection, it still hurts, much much more than she thought she could take. The pain of rejection was soo strong she went straight to her dad's house.

Her dad had always been her voice of reasons. She might not like it and might even hate him but he had always been the more grounded one out of her two parents. Beca never showed her affection but she loves her dad, and actually took his words and advices to heart. If not, why would Beca even be bothered to join university clubs? She could've easily ignored his dad's words but she treasures her dad. The divorced built wall between she and her dad, that's why she was a bit snarky to him at times. But she listened to her dad. Always.

So when her dad pointed out the loneliness of pushing everyone away and told her to make up her own mind, she felt at a loss. Her dad even gave her a way out and was even willing to sponsor her LA adventure should she feel that she need to get out of Barden University.

On her way back to her building at Barden campus, she looked at her surrounding. Memories of relaxing in park in between classes, the routes she would take to Barden Bella's practice place, routes to the radio station all came running to her. The small cafes at the corner where she was forced by Fat Amy to accompany her in one of her Bumper stalking mode, the spot in the park where she sat with Jesse for a quick lunch and a quick movication clips, and the bench where Chloe forced her to sit and listen to her talk and gush about stories of her shower stall boyfriend. She took all these memories in.

She cant let all these go, she cant let all these memories hanging unfinished with no conclusive ending at the back of her mind. She's a sentimental person, she cant let these precious memories go without trying her hardest to keep it alive and not just another fleeting memories. So she bulked herself up and went straight to Bella's practice place, preparing for the worse.

….

She felt good about her final performance's arrangements. She incorporated all of the songs that was related to Bella; Titanium, a little bit of Jessie J, a little bit of Party in the USA and the ultimate song, The Breakfast Club song. This mash up reflects her emotions and feelings, all bottled up in a song.

So yes she was freaking nervous to perform this song on stage, to show everyone that matters (her dad and well… Jesse) her raw emotions. The rawness of her vulnerability scared her. She felt if this didn't bring Jesse back into her life, she will not be able to stand back up again. _But at least I have the Bellas back_. Nodding to her Bellas, they marched to the stage confidently and head held high.

The song went on and she saw Jesse giving a punch in the air just like Judd Nelson did and she knew all was good. She knew she had Jesse back. She could not keep her smiles out of her face. The Bella completely rocked the stage and she knew her efforts were all worth it.

Beca is a sentimental person. So all of her songs for the first year in Barden University, she classed it under "Barden: First"; the first of everything she ever felt in her life. Her first acapella group (never expected that), her first actual friends, her first breakthrough with her dad since the divorce and memories of her first boyfriend. But for all non-acapella related, Jesse has his own folder in her laptop. Most of it is OSTs that was forced on her, but she loves it cause Jesse has good taste. But she will never tell him that.

And for all of their little anniversaries, Beca would lay a mat next to her at her spot in the park ,waiting for Jesse and his juice pouches. She prepared her own small sized lite sweet popcorn and a separate large sized caramel popcorn for Jesse, ready and prepared for Jesse's next movication session.

Come second year, she created an empty folder "Barden: Second" and she cant wait to start filling it up.


End file.
